Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Breathe.

I'm doing a writing project,i want to publish this novel "Breathe" and half of my royaltys go to CFF. It's a story of Emily(CF-er) and Her brother Travis. It's a working project!


Travis.

Everyday like clockwork I come home from school to see my snack,always bologna and pepper sandwhich,on the counter and Emily,my sister, sitting in the living room with The beetles blasting loud and Her doing her breathing treatment. Emily and I are twins,We both have blond hair,we both are 15,but she Has cystic fibrosis and well I just got Asthma. She has been fighting it since we were born,When I was little i never really understood it. I mean I knew she had to go to the hospital and not to touch that vest and all of that. I remember when ma Told me what Cystic fibrosis really was,I was only 8.

"Honey." she said as she gestured for me to sit down. "Your sister has a disease,It filler her Lungs mostly up with thick Mucus,You know what that is?" I nodded.
"As you know she has to take lots of med to help her breathe.."

"Hey Emily,I'm home." I yelled over the small wall that seperated the living room from the kitchen.

"I-I know. Can you get me my Vest." She said as she coughed.
I went to the linen closet to find it. It was heavy and thick,How can she wear this? I already knew that answer-She has to.
As She snapped on the vest I took her nebulizer to clean out. I may be 15 but i might as well be her caregiver. Our father left before we were even born,all we know about him is that He lives in New york and He sends a few thousand dollars a month to pay for us. Mom works hard to take care of us,We live in a shabby house in the middle Texas so it's cheap rent but she still has to pay Emily's medical bills and all of the house bills. It sucks.

"Is everything ok Emily?" I asked.
"Yeah,Peachy." Her voice viberating with the Vest as it shook her skinny,frail body.

I shrugged as I chowed down on my sandwhich and gulped down a pepsi.

"So,Hows the real life?" Emily asked,She's been homeschool all her life. Too much of a risk to go to school i guess.

"Alright. Biolgy sucks like always. PE Is horrible." I said.

"heh,fun." she said as another cough fit crept up on her.

“You okay?” I asked although that was a dumb question.

She nodded.

\

Emily.

One. Two. Three. I count mentally as a Inhale my new Inhaler. Exhale.

I sat down at the table where travis was doing his homework and I opended my laptop.

“I hate Algebra.” I said.

“Yeah? Well ya better get used to it.” Travis said as he laughed.

I just rolled my eyes as I started my home studies for the day.

Y=mx+b.

God,what kind of formulas are these? I worked through them though and eventually finished.

“Done!” I exclaimed.

“Good.” Travis muttered under his breathe

I plopped down on the couch and turned on my favorite show,Friends.

As I singed along with the opening song the phone rang.

“Can you get that Emily?” Travis yelled

I picked it up.”Hello?”

“Hi Em-It’s me mom.”

“Hi Mom,what’s up?”

“I just wanted to make sure everything is ok. Also can you tell travis to start cooking the pot roast?” She asked.

“I’m find mom,stop worrying. And ya I’ll tell him.” I’m tired of people always thinking I’m soo “Fragile”,just like my mom does..

“Thanks honey! I’ll be home around 6. Love you!”She said then quickly hanged up

Mom was always busy,It was just her personalality so it didn’t surprise me that she hanged up so quickly. I glanced out the front windows in time to see Mrs.Walters walking her huge great dane and laughed to myself to see what a silly sight it is for a 75 year old woman walking a huge dog like Buster.

Travis

When I was 7 years old and Emily was admitted,I had to stay with grandma and grandpa. That wasn’t the issue since there way cool. But my issue was the fact that Ma never called,Emily was admitted for 2 weeks that time and I never heard from them. My point is that Ma has neglected her healthy child,and at times her sick one too. Ma has a issue with working,she works 3 jobs. A job at the school district,a cashier at Bob’s antique store and a florist at Mercy children’s. She’s never home much,so it didn’t surprise me when she texted me:

Wont be home tonite. Make sure Emily does her treatments,

Make Pot roast and taters for din din. Luv ya,Mom.

As irritating it was that this is the third night she wont be home till late,it made me laugh how she “tried” to speak in text language.

“Emily,Mom wont be home tonight. Want pizza?” There was no way I was going to make pot roast.

“Hawaiian please. Also make sure you get Diet pepsi this time!” She yelled.

I dialed Domino’s number,they knew me by now by name.

About a half hour later our pizza came,And I sat down to eat.

“Did you get your pills?”I asked Emily.

“Yeah.” She mumbled.

“Hey listen a girl from school invited me to a party tonight,I was wondering if it would be cool if I could go for a few hours?” I asked,knowing I was about to get myself in some deep trouble with Ma,but I couldn’t miss a chance with one of my High school crushes,Becky.

“Uh-Yeah sure. Can you get my equipment ready for me though? I’m sorry,I feel like im such a burden.” She said.

“Hey! Your not a burden,if you were I would have told you. Please don’t think you’re a burden.” I said with a smile. “Don’t worry,I’ll get everything ready for you.”

She smiled back as she munched down on a Bufflo wing.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

untitled.

I did this story with 3 other people from Teen ink =) It turned out great and it's not even finished! :D

Waking up with a hangover on the park bench and the sound of cars honking in the background isn't fun, but that's how every morning is for me.
The busy streets of detriot are no place for a kid, especially a seventeen year old. The streets are rough,Gotta watch your back around every corner. You get on the wrong side of some psyco, you'll be dead in a second. I've been on the streets for at least a month, trying to find the one person i cared about, my sister. I Don't know why,but that impluse ya get when you need that one thing to survive is what lead me to this very spot. I don't know if i could ever live without the meds,but i really can't live without my sister. We have been through thick and thin,everything together. I was there for her when my parents were caught up in there own life not caring about the trouble we got in,and trust me..we got into some pretty deep trouble. Momma and pop never cared though it was always about the Meth always about getting ahold to the Morphine. But i was always there,untill i followed in my parents foot steps.

I can still remember that night,I needed a fix. fast. I told Leah that it would only be a second,she was stupid to even follow. I met the thugs around the corner from Bob's deli,100 Morphine pills like i asked. Only they told me over the phone it was only 50 bucks. Thats all i had , I still think they cheated me when they demanded 80 bucks, but whatever happened i will never forget the day they took my sister.She was only 13 ! How dare they involve her in this she didnt even know what i was doing . I feel horrible,i promised her as long as I live i would never get addicted.Now god only knows where she is and i only have 20 bucks to help me find her. If you have never been to Detroit,it's a pretty big city. Gotta have the dough to survive and transport yourself around.

i sat up and looked around, it looked alot different in the dark, the swingset I thought was red was actually pink, and there was a slide i dont remember that, heck i don't even remember half of what happened last night.All i know is Vodka is some pretty good stuff,but the park bench? Not my ideal place to crash. But if this , sleeping in parks , is what it takes to get my little sister back then so be it. I walked into that rich prissy detective's office yesterday morning. That conversation still Irritates me.

"What do you need Darious?" She said.

"Leah. You know that,help me find her and i wont bug you anymore." I said,stern in my place.
"You know I can't do anything till you get me that 300 dollars." She said Matter-of-factly.

I grumbled,Always about money these days. "Fine,I'll work for you for a year. Just please find her! She's out there with some thugs!"

She just went back to her work,my cue to leave. That's how it's been for the last week,every morning i pay dime to take the bus to go to Detective Ross's office and every morning i get this same conversation. I'm done with people,i'm doing this on my own.
Rubing the agonizing pain from my head i stood up, and some one tapped on my shoulder, I spun so fast I gave myself whiplash. behind me stood a boy around my age with blonde hair, he was at least a head shorter then me. He had that same tattoo though,that Red dragon on the right shoulder.

"Your from the Blood Legion gang arn't you? Where's my sister!?" I said defensivly.

"Calm down. I was part of them,I am Scott. Your sister? I know somethings,but I know for sure she's okay." He said quietly,like he isn't supposed to be here.
"I'm sorry man I can't believe they did that they , they werent supposed to."
"That's out it works,Leader sets up a good price and raises it up. He's gotten some pretty good thing's over the years,Your sister was just the best thing he got. I got 500 bucks,stole it from Leader. Also got a gun,we're gonna need it to get your sister back. Leader doesn't give up anything without a fight." He said.
"Why are you helping me ?" I asked wearily.He looked like he was offended.
"Look I told you I don't think what they did was right . I am trying my best to help you and your sister the leader can be realy sick and twisted sometimes." He looked off into the distance as if reminicing some horrible memory, then shook it off. I realized he was my only chance of findind Veronica and i wasn't about to let him leave.
"How much do you want for it?" I said harshly.
"Nothing,i just want to help you!" he said looking hurt, i don't understand why he doesn't want anything, doing something this big is usually pricey.By just helping me ,it could be his death sentence.
"You must want something, especially for putting your life on the line"


"Lets just say im not doing this for you." He looked thoughtful for a moment then sobered up.
"So what do you say " He siad.
I hesitated "ok"
"good cause if we want to find you little sister before the leader gets bored we better hurry."
He whirled around and was striding a fast as his legs could go in what i knew was the slums.
"Hey . Wait !" I yelled as i rushed to keep up with him.
"nope we can't wait better walk and talk"
"Ok ok" i siad finaly catching up.We walked for a while before we stopped in front of a gutted out building,

"What's in here that we need?" I said,kinda nervously.
"Don't talk,just follow. Here you'll need this." He handed me a blood red shirt. I shrugged it over and threw my old yellow one out on the street. The room was musty and smelled like smoke.

"Don't talk,and don't make a fool out of yourslef. Got it?" Scott said.

"Yeah." I mummbled.
It seemed like it was a bar,but I couldn't tell.
"Hey Paul,got a new one here. Where's Leader today?" scott said to some shady guy.
"Heard he was up in Freeport station. What's going on?" He said while inhaling some form on a cigar.
"Nothing. Just need to talk to him." Scott said then turned around to go outside.
Outside the air was chilly,but smelled amazing compared to what it smelled like in that room.
"Sooo" I siad."How are we gonna get my sister back?"
"We are gonna find out where she is then we are gonna try not to get ourselves killed getting her back."
"Not getting killed sounds good." I said sarcasticly.
We started walking towards the nearest subway station,I only have a few bucks so I hope scott plans on paying.

As we walked down the steep stairs down to the tracks,I had that same panic I had that Night. What if scott really didn't want to help me? What if he was just taking me to Leader so he can just finish me and Leah off?

I must have made a funny sound becuase scott looked me strange.
"What?" I siad defensivly.
" What was that sound?" Scott said as we stepped down to the ticket booth.
"Nothing," I said.
We boreded a train to the closest station to Freeport,Main station. The smell of Smoke,beer and Pot reeked withing the passangers. It made me gag,My headed pounded with a intense pain. I havn't had a fix in 12 hours. God,I needed a pill . But i had to stay strong and not take one,espcially if i ever wanted to see Leah again. Memories of Our childhood flooded my memory,Us playing on the red swings in the park. Us sneaking some sugar pills in Momma's Pill bottle,oh man did we get a whopping for that one. But then i dont ever remmber a time when we werent getting beat.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Short story: Time of..



The first death on your watch wasn't your deal. You were just one of the many Interns who watched.The doctors are grim-faced but determined; you wonder why they even bother. Again and again the voltage is cranked up, but It can only do so much.

The doctor holding the paddles slowly turns away from the Patient and another quietly asks, “Time of death?”
You back away, feeling as if the paddles was really meant for you as your heart pounds. A devastated mother takes your arm “Time of death?” she whimpers, mis­taking you for a doctor, Not a intern who never could remember which number was the systolic for blood pressure, not someone who didn’t even dare to do Labs.
"I;m so sorry for your loss.." You say, and run out to the hallway where tears spill.

the third death is just as sad, only this time you’ve been dragged along for the work. You’re the one ramming your hands into the sternum, trying to force the fluttering heartbeat into a constant beat. You’re the one leaping out of the way of the paddles, jumping back to start again. Just as it seems like it's too late,the paddles thunder a third time, you can feel the thump of the heart, you collapse against a wall, arms Pulsing with strain. You sigh with relief. You brought him back.

The Next death is the hardest. That little baby in neo-natal care and should never have been forced to live on machines. Each day is a struggle, and the medications are flowing in a deadly concentration for such a small body, yet the parents insist on continuing the treatment. They’re unwilling to bear any grief while their baby boy Is batteling each day,the Machines clicks the only Lullaby.

The mother shrieks, “ Do something!” After you reach the crib you motion the code team away and look towards the parents.

“The best thing for him is to take him off the machines,Hold him and love him in these last few moments.” you say.

The dad glares. "Never."

They don’t understand .“If he even survives a year, he will be severely physically and mentally disabled. For life,” I Declare.

The mother screams “ I don’t care. Just save him! Now!”

You nod at the code team, Moving to fit yourselves around the tiny crib and pulling off the oxygen , trying to fit your large palms against the tiney baby with his face scrunched up in a silent wail. The Meds aren’t having any effect because of the amount of medication already flowing through his body.

“Use the shocker!” the mother shrieks.

“We can’t!” you yell over the crys and moniters going off, trying to give compressions to a weak chest and an even weaker heart at the same time. . “Your baby is too small and his heart is too weak! If we do, we’ll kill him!”

The code leader shakes his head. “Time of death ….”

“No!”

“4:52 AM”

The mother collaspes in a waver of tears and sobs.

The next code is the hardest,You have the final say.

But he smiles at you through His flimsy grey hair. “I’m ready to leave. Are you ready to let me go?”

You sob. “No, Dad! I don’t want you to.”

He smile's the same smile you grew up with "It's okay..."

You breakdown in another wave of tears.

And he Outs his hand in yours, squeezing it once before closing her eyes. “You’re ready.”
You Kiss him one final time: “Time of death,2:23 PM Monday May 5th.”

Wednesday, December 14, 2011


65 roses


(this was a narrative poem i had to write for school,but i sorta fell in love with it =) )


Warm sunny day, me digging my toes into the sand,

You licking an ice cream cone.

Your voice waving in the warm summer wind,

Singing my favorite song.

As mom’s piano music drifted around us,

You promised me you would be okay.

Even as you coughed, and struggled for air you smiled.

I held onto that promise.

When I stepped into the unforgiving room clutching your teddy bear,

I saw the tubes tethering you; it broke my heart knowing I couldn’t help you.

Why, I asked, as we drew roses on your notebook.

All you said was, God has a plan.

Day after day, Hour after hour, I watched you.

You never lost the smile though,

Breathe after breathe, cherishing each one.

Handful of pills every day.

We lay hands over you,

Begging god for Mercy to save you.

Fear shakes through me, but you grasp my hand

And tell not to fear, but to trust.

These same 4 walls we look at,

The same old news we receive.

15 years old, and 3 Months to live.

I sit numb. My own brother May not live to get married.

As we sat on the beach,

A sudden thought came upon me,

This is the first time being here since you have gotten sick.

The waves crashed on the rocks, the clouds rolling, I sit back relaxed, actually thinking it may be okay now.

Back at the hosipital, we didn’t stay out for very long.

I see your thin chest rising with each breathe,

Your voice so thin.

Reality hits, I realized that God may take home another angel, It may not be now but it is soon.

I grasp your hand, never letting go.

Doctors are confused,

They don’t know the next step.

Nurses shake their head in grief.

You say you’re strong, that they are just underestimating you, but honestly you won’t tell people the pain.

I sat in my room today,

Looking at my walls pasted with memories.

Picture perfect memories, tears spilled.

I remember when we would sit out in the summer sun, breathing in the grassy smell.

I want to know, I need to know.

Why does this disease take so many?

I wish I could give you a day when you could breathe like me. Run, jump, dance.

Code blue. Those 2 words echo in my head.

Sadness stings my heart as another parents has lost there kid, Doctors are baffled.

The warm smell of Chicken nuggets came up from my plastic bags.

I saw Doctor.Henery standing out your room,

Food splattered around me, tears flooding my eyes.

I can hear crying through the walls of your room, the hurt on the nurses faces.

Words can change a life. Breathe easy now, because now you breathe like me.

Words can change a life, 2 words changed mine.

Cystic Fibrosis.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I will never forget that day(W.C)


I will never forget the day I picked up that peice of paper. Who Knew such simple words hurt people so much? the words read:
One who read this,is the true chosen person
~J.R P.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


My name is Tyler,Tyler Maren. I live in a small town in main,population? 30. six of those people are my own family too. There's not much to do so it's not my fault i went snooping around Mr.Oswald's home. Everyone knows in the town of Brindsfield that he is a Creep. I mean there was that case in 2007 where little 7 year old boy,Mikey,went to Mr.oswald's house to sell cookies and never came back. Nobody ever arrsted him,not enough evidence. They never did find Mikey...

Somebody told me Mr.Oswald went out of town for the week,it was a perfect oppertunity. I'm not sure what i was thinking at the time,guess i wasn't. But as i walked tht familiar paved road up to his small house,flashbacks flashed through my mind. I shook the horrors out of my brain.
Plants were overgrowing onto the sidewalk and the porch was cracking and falling apart.
"go figure,the house is over 80 years old." I said to myself.

I jiggled the handle on the door. Locked. I went around back through those same familar bushes,that smell. Smell of day old lasanga. Once i got through that jungle of bushes i stepped to the back door and tried opening it. Ha-ha! unlocked. I stpped in,oh god. that smell,that smell that i smelled far too often. It choked me and i gagged and got sick on the floor. Oh well.

The house was old and dusty. I walked around for a bit in the dim light,then i saw it. Something my eyes could never unsee,that same sight i saw for so long.



Monday, December 12, 2011

Yellow star

Dear diary, June 14th 1935

Hello! I think I should start by introducing myself,I am Rebecca alon! I live in Berlin, with my mum, pop and sister Anna. It is June of 1935, warm and sticky day out too! Mum had me run to the grocery, but it was so hot and going across street corners are scary for a Jewish person like me.You see, Adolf hitler, the chancler of Germany Hates us Jewish people. So we have to wear yellow stars around, we don’t have Jewish stores anymore. I hate it! I use to go to school with my best friend,Lina,But we can’t anymore for she is not Jewish.

I wish we could move to America,Lina always talks about how happy her brother is in America.

Pop says we are fine in Germany. I herd though that hitler is building Death camps all over Europe. I hope that is false…

I must go now,mum had called me to help serve supper.

For now,

Rebecca Alon

June 16th,1935

Dear diary,

Wow yesterday was amazing!

After lessons,I met this young man,peter, he is jewish too and lives only a few minutes away!

He is so kind. Then he called me up after supper this is how our conversation went!

Peter:hullo Rebecca

Me: Hi peter! (don’t I sound so silly?)

Peter: would you like to come over for supper on Friday night? My parents would like to meet you.

Me: oh yes,that would be lovely. I’ll come over at 5,is that alright?

Peter: yes,I must go now. Goodbye!

Me: bye!

I can’t wait to go! I told Anne and she was so happy for me,her being 2 years older(she is 17),already has a beau. He is alright,kinda awkward and shy. His name is Harry. But I can’t believe that Peter may actually like me. I havn’t told Mum,she would be furious. Mum and I don’t agree on a lot,But that is life I guess. Mum treats me like a small M├Ądchen,But i’m not! I am 15 years old. Speaking of mum,she just came in and told me i must go to sleep. I think i should name my diary,hmm what shall i name you?

Untill next time,

Rebecca alon

June 18th,1935

Dear Mumu,

I have decided to name you mumu!

Friday night was amazing! For supper,they served fresh Challah served with Roasted Lamb and Veggies.

Peter and I went out to his porch and talked for a great deal of time,then came in and talked with his parents. His parents are very kind,just like peter. His father is the Rabbi at our local Synagogue.

My night took a turn for the worst though as soon as I came home. Mum was so angry at me all because I didn’t put away the rest of her homemade Begals,she made earlier. She sat there and screamed at me for a good 5 minutes only for papa to come and say”honey,you never asked her to do it..”

Can you believe that!! She yelled at me for doing something she was gonna do. But that’s how it is with mum,she yells at me for the most childest things. I wish I could just make her happy,I mean she adores Anne because Anne is just like Mum,perfect. I wish I could make mum happy..i guess I’m just feeling sorry for myselg so I’m gonna go to bed

Goodnight,

Rebecca

June 19th,1835

Dear mumu,

I’m in a much better mood,I guess you could say. But the germans is getting worse,A officer came today to take all of our bikes. I sat in my room crying,I am so upset. Oma got it for me on Hannaka,one of the best gifts I could have received besides the locket papa got me.

Lina and I went to the Oasis ice parlor,but as soon as the owner saw our yellow stars we were kicked out. We can’t go anywhere anymore! Peter called me again,it was even better this time! Him and I,are going to the park tomarow evening. I’m so excited,it will be so grand! The saddest thing happened last night,there was a young family in our area,the Reins. They got deported last night with hundreds of other innocent Jewish familys. It breakes my heart,the rein family was 3 kids(9,6,and 2). Who knows if they will live.. Why must the germens be SO cruel? I over heard Papa talking to mama,I know I know I shouldn’t have,He said we may have to move to a place called Warsaw. I don’t want to move!! I wouldn’t ask my parents about it though because then they would be angry that I was eavesdropping.

I kinda talked to Anne about it but she just told me to “shush”. You don’t think we’ll be move do you,mumu? I’ll have to write later now though.

Rebecca

June 15th,1935

Dear Mumu,

Wow I have written in a great while! I’ve been horribly sick with a fever of some sort.

It started with a headache and mum gave me some tea for it,but then it got worse into a fever,runny nose and a horrible cough. Everything hurt,Anne nursed me while papa was at work and mum was attending to the house. But alas,I am better now! I went to the park to sit out a while since I’ve been cooped up for a long while. I sat under the warm sun thinking,seeing all the ‘normal’ german children playing about in the playground. I was thinking how cruel it is that we can’t enjoy the same goods as everyone else. Then a young boy interrupted my thoughts. Little did I know it was a hitler youth..

He was very rude and accused me of hiding my identity just because he couldn’t see my star. This is how the diaglouge went:

Him: Jew,Why aren’t you wearing your star?!

Me: It is right.I said as I pointed to my blouse

Him: I should be able to see it as a glimpse,I ought to turn you into the Gestapo. Hmp..

Me: No,please! It has been here the whole time,I was never hiding who I am.

Him:you better be happy I’m in a good mood today or else you would be on your way to the Gestapo!